His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
