i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and she was petting her beer can
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I color on your dick again?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
