Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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