Your dad touched me again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize