You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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