Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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