I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
