Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
