Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Buhtt sex?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
