I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
