the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
