paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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