OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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