She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
