I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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