If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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