i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
only if we run a train.
done.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
