Porn is love you can see.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
