yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
How's work?
Spinning.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
