dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
