I'm lost and stupid without you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
