Whod you bang
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
