im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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