I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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