Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
