In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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