okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
