i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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