his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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