I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Watching her eat just hurts me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
