i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize