my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
