You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
