Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
