It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
