he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
