I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
