Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
