she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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