Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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