You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
