whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
