Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
