I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
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