The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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