yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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