I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize