I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
