Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
