what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
