Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
