i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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