I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
