I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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