i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
