what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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