My first STD was from a foam party
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize