Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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