Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
