woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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