guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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