Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
