If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
