everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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