I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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